So I was all gung-ho to participate in two separate MS Walks this weekend. And didn't do either one.
I'm telling you, fatigue is a sum-bitch.
I got home from my vacation Monday night. Exhausted.
Tuesday I spent trying to catch up on basic post-vacay stuff like shopping, laundry, email, etc. Of course, everything now takes me a lot longer than it used to, and I was wiped out by the prior 14-hour travel day.
So Wednesday rolls around and I'm at the hospital all day with my mom who had major shoulder replacement surgery (she rocked it!).
Then Thursday rolls around and half my day is lost to previous obligations I cannot get out of, though by all rights I should not have been driving a quarter of the water polo team to a venue 2 hours away, especially since I've never been there and I was driving in city traffic. Thank goodness my daughter helped with directions; my brain fog and a migraine pretty much melted my cognition for the day.
Friday rolls around, I'm feeling slightly better. I get a few things done, get my hair done, which is a nice break, then I'm tending to my other daughter's preparations for her weekend of dance recitals. I looked around me, saw all the dirty laundry, the piles of clutter, the fridge without food, and my ridiculously messy office, and I just succumbed to the overarching wave of fatigue that's been holding me in its current all week.
Fugettabotit, there won't be no MS Walk for me this weekend.
Instead, I got up early yesterday, did my grocery shopping before all the rest of the people came, so I could focus on my list, take my time, and not get wiped out by traffic and the general sense of overwhelming I get when I go to the store anymore. Then I ran a couple of errands that were grossly overdue. Then I came home and did laundry and finishing unpacking (did I say I was behind?) and then I took a nap. I overslept from my nap and threw on new clothes, grateful my new hairdo from yesterday was still holding up as well as the day's earlier makeup... I was late for dinner with my MIL and BIL before my daughter's recital! Dag. Went to the recital, which was AWESOME but also EXHAUSTING, especially since my MIL takes so much energy to be around. Very grumpy, demanding, emotionally challenging. I had some problems with speech and doing math in my head when I went to buy flowers for my daughter. I hate that.
So today I'm up at a regular time, have done some laundry, revised my To Do List and have been tackling little this and thats all morning. Already I need a nap and it's not quite 11am. But had I gone to the MS Walk today, I would have been WIPED OUT before I even got there. At least my migraine is gone and I am feeling like my marbles aren't rolling out of my skull today, but the exhaustion is still leadening: my arms, legs, even the top of my head weigh about 100 pounds each, it seems. But I feel lighter knowing I made the right choice.
Thanks to my friends and family for donating and/or walking in my stead today. I guess I have to be fine with being the recipient and not the giver, something I don't always do so graciously or willingly. But this weekend was good practice in putting my health first and following my gut, and though I wish I could have seen friends out there on the path this weekend, I'm glad my day is wide open to a little bit of this and that.
This is why we need MS awareness across the masses. MS is not a muscular disease, nor is it a metabolic disease. Exercise and eating right make anybody feel better, but they won't cure MS, and for many with MS, what MS Unplugged hostess Deanna Kirkpatrick calls "the snowflake disease" because of its widely varied presentations, the idea of exercise at all is next to impossible. Even eating at all can be problematic for those with swallowing dysfunctions.
How is this related? Because we need to have more dialog with nonMSers to drive home these points. We need to have practice as MSers in educating people through these mischaracterizations of the disease.
I didn't really say anything in response because, guess what? I was too frickin' tired.
